Home Sweet Hotel? Moms Invented the Hospitality Industry

I’m sure I am not the first spouse of a work-traveller to hold the hotel industry accountable for causing strife on the home front. This may not be the place to air my dirty laundry (I’m pretty sure they have a nice bag hanging in the closet for that) but I have to vent.

So hubby’s work requires some regular travel. It’s what we know and it’s worked fine for us until recently. But over the last few months I began noticing little things here and there. A comment. A look. An unusual affinity for travel-sized toiletries. On our recent family trip, watching honey in what I believe has become his natural environment, I finally put all the pieces together. It hit me like that Gideon’s Bible you always find in the nightstand: he expects our house to run like a hotel! Where was that in the wedding vows? 

Apparently, according to the hospitality industry, I have failed him. I mean, we have plenty of extra towels but we don’t have nearly enough extra pillows. I have never folded the ends of the toilet paper into a triangle (or any other shape for that matter). On most nights there is barely one option for dinner whereas the hotel offers a medley of finger foods and aperitifs for the weary traveller. Here, breakfast is strictly a fend-for-yourself affair but there, well how can I compete with made-to-order omelets? On a Tuesday!? We do have a treadmill, wi-fi and coffee, but there has never been turndown service - unless you count the days where I forgot to make the bed in the morning.  Oh, I have so much work to do if I am to mend this marriage.

Unless it is all in the marketing? Sure those big chains offer all the usual creature comforts, but maybe I will just characterize our abode to my sweetie as “boutique?” I could leave a brochure on his (fluffed) pillow introducing him to Casa de la Rigley, where we cater to those looking for a more “authentic, cozy, personal home-away-from-home” experience. Feel like taking out the garbage? Of course (service charge may apply). Three meals a day are always complimentary, as are four additional dining companions.

You will find provisions in pantry. We offer nature walks (be sure to take the dog with you, please) as well as a cozy fireplace (the woodpile is out back). Round the clock entertainment is provided by rambunctious children, um, our enthusiastic staff.  Be sure to avail yourself of our front desk clerk who can provide directions to all the local attractions, such as dry cleaners, grocery, or gas station. Laundry facilities are located on the second floor. 

Enjoy your stay!

Not sure this will cure my honey from expecting a new bar of soap in the bathroom every time he comes home, but I think it is a step in the right direction. If only I had printed off those comment cards for the kitchen table.