Single Again: 8 Relationship Lessons I've Learned So Far

Being single again after being married for 15 years has created, as you might expect, a HUGE shift in perspective. And I’ve learned many things as I’ve had time to grow, evolve and develop into this next phase of life.

As a holistic health coach, I not only help clients make healthier food and exercise choices, but support them in their relationship issues, too. Being healthy, from a holistic point, addresses the whole person: mind, body and spirit. And a big part of existing in the world is being in relationships with loved ones.

Below are eight relationship lessons I’ve learned along my journey. I’m sure I will learn more and, therefore, over time will add to this list. And I hope this will get dialogue going on what you’ve learned, too. But first, I want to share a quote from Reggae musician, Bob Marley:

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” 

Eight Relationship Lessons I’ve Learned…So far!

1. No one is perfect…AND THAT’S OK! Strive for excellence and continued growth, not perfection.
2. Stop trying to change the other person. If you can’t accept them for who they are, then perhaps they are not right for you or maybe you need to examine yourself more closely as to why you are finding fault with them. You can’t change someone else, but you can change YOURSELF.
3. Don’t project unrealistic expectations onto someone else. Read this again. I stumbled on this one a few times.
4. Sex is NOT love.  This one confuses many. Just because you have great sex with someone does not mean they love you or will be available to you in a relationship. I hear many girlfriends complain about an emotionally unavailable man. Move on!
5. If you are in a relationship with a man, he is NOT thinking about you all the time (Thanks, Bob Marley!), so relax and don’t get uptight about this. Re-read the above quote.
6. LOVE yourself first and become the person you want to be with in a relationship. If you want a kind, loving, affectionate, honest, available man, then make sure YOU embody those same qualities. When you are the traits you desire in someone else, you will attract the right person. So enjoy the waiting and continue to grow and improve yourself.
7. Remember there is a difference between a guy who wants to have a relationship and a guy who wants to be in a relationship with YOU. Hopefully you know which one you’d prefer, right?
8. Heads up, ladies! A guy, who falls in love easily, can fall out of love easily, too. 

Thanks! I welcome your comments and feedback!